stop now before anything develops

I feel as though I am too dependant on others, in the sense that I cannot be myself without thinking of another person. I cannot be alone in my own thoughts without desiring someone else to be in them. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, for people to want to be wanted, but for me what I truly desire is to be alone.

I want to be completely on my own within my thoughts and instead of constantly fantasising over someone else, I want to fantasise over a life where I am completely happy and content with just being me. I want to be my own person and as hard as it is to admit, I struggle with being that. I care too much about what people think in one sense, however in another I do not care at all. I think my problem is, along with many other people, my utmost desire is to be desired.

Again, I am not saying this is a bad thing as everybody wants to be desirable however, I want to be the more desirable version of myself, to myself. I want to look in the mirror and be happy with the way I’m dressed because I like my outfit, not because I think someone else will. I want to be completely dedicated to myself and myself only, and then maybe I can start thinking about looking for someone to share the most desirable version of myself with.


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