unhealthy questions

//TRIGGER WARNING//

why do you look for him in a crowded room even though he told you you were the last person on his mind?

if everything you touch sets on fire, why are you still cold?

does anyone ever wonder why it takes you so long to say “i’m okay” and genuinely smile? do you ever genuinely smile?

why hide behind the crack in the door? is it because you’re afraid if he sees you he’ll slam it in your face and throw away the key?

you can never deal with your problems because of the phrase “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” and when it comes to crossing the bridge all you can think about is jumping off.

can i paint over the cracks in my smile with the blood from my wrists?

aren’t you tired of constantly asking for forgiveness off others because you feel so guilty for being yourself? i bet you cant wait until everyone see’s your paranoia showing through. or have they already?

why do you cry in the shower? is it because no one can hear you or because the water washes away your tears when they feel like battery acid pouring down your face?

why whenever you go out and drink to numb the pain do the voices in your head get louder? can you remember the last time you went out and didn’t end up crying until you threw up in the toilets of a club?

why wont the scars ever fade? is it because you’re constantly reopening them in the hopes you’ll dig deep enough and find whatever it is that you’re searching for?

he told you he loved your imperfections, is that why you cant look in a mirror anymore without seeing only them? is that why you hate them even more now?

if your lungs are filled with everything that he spits down your throat, why is it that you haven’t drowned yet?

why is it you cant look at the sky at night anymore? is it because he told you his love for you was as great as the stars and you then realised most of them we’re dying?

no one can save you when you keep nailing your coffin shut.

why is it that you find comfort on the top of a motorway bridge? do you find comfort in the buzz of people around you or comfort in the fact that you could end it all so easily? that buzz could just disappear.

does he meet you each night with his hands behind his back? is his chest expanding and pulse quivering – he doesn’t love you, he’s scared.